On Romance

(second of the series)

Our society is in search of the eternal Love. This search is not just taking place in our contemporary society, but it has been a distressing saga in all eras of human history. This search is a distressing need, which arises in different ways, basically in a desire to have a powerful, swift, magical change in all aspects of Life. If there is one easy way to find this elusive experience of Love, Romance is the most common answer. Romance allows us to become sacred and powerful, where we can harness the energy of creating possibilities. Our sense of limitation collapses, and where time and space becomes irrelevant. Falling in Love and spending time with someone empowers any person to become a lover of Life, breaking all the rules and boundaries of our physical existence. In other words, Romance brings us to a new
definition of happiness.

Man's deepest need, according to Erich Fromm in his book The Art of Loving, is to overcome his separateness. Being separate or disconnected from anyone is perhaps the sole reason why the whole humanity is in trouble. Separateness exists in many forms, and apparently this is the symptom of all problems that plague us since the beginning of civilizations . So the need to connect and to belong is by far the only key to happiness that opens the door to eternal Love. Romance, more than a concept, has become the easiest way to meet the need to connect and be happy. And since the experience is a glimpse of eternal Love, Romantic Love is a universal fulfillment of how Love is realized.

An average man or woman thinks that with Romance life can be meaningful. When he/she falls in Love with a woman, he/she experiences the ecstasy of Love, where all joy, harmony and creativity naturally unfold. This indefinable Love is happening without much reasoning and explanation, and often escapes the logical assumptions of right and wrong. One could not anymore discern if his/actions toward loving is wrong, for every decision that comes from Love -Romantic Love, that is - is always right. In other words, it is natural for us to Love rather than to think, and often Romantic Love is the only common transformation of Love for a person who just begins to understand the purpose and meaning of life.

All romantic rituals aim to sustain the flow of Love's purest experience, whether it is physical intimacy or courtly manners. These are all coming out of a blend of human instinct and cultural conditioning. Dating, courtship, ans sex, as well as the undying desire to make long lasting relationships are all but romantic pathways where Love in its exclusive form can be expressed. Romance is an organic outgrowth of falling in Love, where anyone can positively behave, bearing all the sweetness and goodness that can be shared with a partner or spouse.

Romance plus Love becomes a "happy-ever-after" concept and experience, and its outcome, Romantic Love, diminishes the destructive negative outlook in life. We resurrect the fairy-tales in our lives, and look forward to perpetuating the happiness by refusing to see the evil of this world.

Though the aim is all to be well, Romance, as seen as Romantic Love, still fails to bring us genuine, unending Love that can change the whole world. Failure after failure, relationships between man and woman have become battleground of ego, and authentic happiness is an elusive dream. It brings more sufferings to the once ecstatic beginnings. Many couples end up separating and disillusioned, and could not anymore reconcile with the first realization of falling in Love.

As I said, Romance is the key, but it is not the door. The door is true Love. To fulfill the dreams of authentic Romantic Love, we must deeply understand what Love is, and how our concept of it inadvertently shapes our attitude towards happiness, success and fulfillment, and influences our consciousness of truth and Life.

(to be continued)