On Romantic Love

(first of the series)

Valentine's day is such a universal celebration. We have always associated it with Love and its twin concept Romance, which is also a common pleasurable experience. Combined together, we call them Romantic Love. Yet this pair has a mistaken identity. It's a double-edged sword. A profound truth of Romance and Romantic Love may lead us to deeper meaning of Love, if precisely understood. So we must look beyond how we understand Romance and Romantic Love, lest it would only bring us in a vicious cycle of unending suffering.

Like how we want to understand Love, we must be aware on how we define these concepts. Romance, Love and Romantic Love may mean the same, but they have slight distinct characteristics, so we must see them in a different angle. The three of them are a sacred trinity, a unity of ideal philosophy that underlies wonderful marital and romantic relationships. Like a tripod, each of them cannot stand on its own (except Love, which we will explore later). True Love supports the existence of the other two, which makes Romance and Romantic Love meaningful and lasting. Yet, without Love as a foundation, they are a house of cards that crumbles easily at the slightest agitation of life.

Romance and Romantic Love are both interchanged, but they are not interchangeable. Often, we have thought that both are synonymous to Love. It would be difficult for many of us to discern the difference, since we have learned to accept that Love is all about Romance, and there are other kinds of Love out there that can be categorized according to the people whom we give Love. But there is more to how we grasp it.

The common confusion is that Love can be categorized into different kinds. I have always shared my insight that if Love is something seen and touch like an object, it could be no less than water. Water is neither hard nor soft, invisible nor visible. Water becomes solid and gas depending on conditions. Water becomes ice in low temperatures, and vapor in high temperatures. It is powerful enough to flow and shatter and dissolve all solids. It has all the qualities of nonduality, a concept which most us have difficulty understanding. Nonduality means that we can never categorized things as opposing to each other, however they are opposites. To see things as nondual is to see that every thing is One, though they may seem to be different.

We can now see Love as we can see water. We cannot cut through water. We cannot cut through Love either. We can never divide it, the way we often divide and separate things -and people - from each other. Water takes the shape of the container. Love, in the same manner, takes the shape of relationships and situations. If the relationship is between a parent and a child, Love takes its shape, and becomes Parental Love. In a friendship, Love becomes Platonic Love. Between a patriot and his country and countrymen, Love becomes Patriotic Love. Among people, Love is Brotherly Love. And between a man and a woman, Love becomes Romantic Love.

Romantic Love, in simple terms, is not a categorization, but rather a transformation of Love. Since we cannot divide the concept and experience of Love, the natural laws of Love allow it to transform, like water, based on the need of the context, or the kind of relationship. All experiences of Love are present: joy, harmony, peace, abundance, freedom, gratitude, growth, kindness, etc. Transformation, in a sense, tells us that Love is a transformative experience. It encompasses all experiences and becomes a distinct, labeled experience depending on how it is perceived and expressed.

We often say we "fall in Love" with someone whenever we are attracted and inspired. Our society defines this as the door to Romantic Love. Yes, this is true, yet there is more. How we take Romantic Love is quite different from the truth that underlies it. Romantic Love is beyond attractiveness, sweet nothings, thrills of courtship, or painful and bittersweet encounters. Becoming clear on how we understand Love and Romantic Love, we can redefine our experience and rediscover that Love itself is much richer than the way we believe it is.

(to be continued)