Love and Romance

(third of the series)

Romance is the key to Love because it opens lovers to appreciate all the miracles of Love in a different manner. It brings people to the understanding of Oneness, a powerful connection that never before experienced in the world of separateness. In each others' arms, lovers find the meaning of life, and they begin to value the manifestation of things unseen. What used to be an abstract, like the reality of the Soul, becomes palpable in the presence of the object of affection. A beloved becomes the Soul of the lover, and his or her presence transforms subtle truths of joy and peace into the reality of physical intimacy.

This truth is lasting, as far as the awareness of Love exists in the consciousness of lovers. Every physical act is an act of Romance, such as the rituals of giving flowers and gifts; of kissing, cuddling, and intimate bonding; of songs, poems, movies, photos, paintings, and letters; these are all symbols and statements that celebrate Romance. Romance is as important as the flow of consciousness, the unconditioned and unseen reality of Love. Love is often the definition of Romance, but to see Romance as the physical form of Love is another story. With Romance, every positivity and goodness wells up because they are Love's way of becoming physical. Love remains nebulous in the realm of our consciousness without Romance as its expression between the lover and the beloved.

The main symptom of relationship failures is the thought that expression of Romance is enough to prove that Love exists. Our society's romantic culture limits our understanding of Love, and we have accepted that for us to experience Love, we must be in a romantic situation, or else we would remain lonely and deprived. So we are in search of a romantic partner, of a soul mate that we believe will fill our empty lives. We believe that falling in Love breaks the curse of loneliness we feel. The lover we will find is our savior, a hero that will bring us out of the pain and suffering of being unloved. Eventually, we become disenchanted, for this hero could not serve our ideals of perfection. Thus, we end up bitter, swearing never to be fooled again by Love.

Despite our limited views on Love, Love can never be boxed in by our assumptions. True Love, though formless, remains unyielding and unchanging. This Love cannot be found outside, nor in any ideal partner. We can never demand Love from someone. Romance may help us to discern Love, but Romance can never equal what Love can give and become. Love transcend the boundaries of labels, for it exists not only in romantic context, but in many possibilities of human relationships and interconnections.

Love simply is the person we call ourselves. I am Love. You are Love. Our purpose is to discover how Lovable and Loving we are, without a lover's approval or acceptance. To discern that I am Love, a being that is worthy of my respect and acknowledgment, allows me to become the truth that I am. In this process, we stop finding the physical evidence of Love on anything or anyone. We begin to see that Love is as touchable as our whole being. I appreciate myself, and therefore I begin to see that I need no thing or person to make me happy, for I am happiness incarnated.

Our recognition of the power of Love in our awareness leads us to find another being who has done the same. We find another complete person, whose Soul has unfolded in understanding that he or she is Love. We never more try to be filled by the presence of another. We are now, in fact, resonant with that presence. This discovery results into Romantic Love. Two lovers who discover that they are complete, Souls filled with the Love they have found within themselves, begin to connect with each other through Romance. This sacred union becomes Romantic Love.

to be continued

On Romantic Love

(first of the series)

Valentine's day is such a universal celebration. We have always associated it with Love and its twin concept Romance, which is also a common pleasurable experience. Combined together, we call them Romantic Love. Yet this pair has a mistaken identity. It's a double-edged sword. A profound truth of Romance and Romantic Love may lead us to deeper meaning of Love, if precisely understood. So we must look beyond how we understand Romance and Romantic Love, lest it would only bring us in a vicious cycle of unending suffering.

Like how we want to understand Love, we must be aware on how we define these concepts. Romance, Love and Romantic Love may mean the same, but they have slight distinct characteristics, so we must see them in a different angle. The three of them are a sacred trinity, a unity of ideal philosophy that underlies wonderful marital and romantic relationships. Like a tripod, each of them cannot stand on its own (except Love, which we will explore later). True Love supports the existence of the other two, which makes Romance and Romantic Love meaningful and lasting. Yet, without Love as a foundation, they are a house of cards that crumbles easily at the slightest agitation of life.

Romance and Romantic Love are both interchanged, but they are not interchangeable. Often, we have thought that both are synonymous to Love. It would be difficult for many of us to discern the difference, since we have learned to accept that Love is all about Romance, and there are other kinds of Love out there that can be categorized according to the people whom we give Love. But there is more to how we grasp it.

The common confusion is that Love can be categorized into different kinds. I have always shared my insight that if Love is something seen and touch like an object, it could be no less than water. Water is neither hard nor soft, invisible nor visible. Water becomes solid and gas depending on conditions. Water becomes ice in low temperatures, and vapor in high temperatures. It is powerful enough to flow and shatter and dissolve all solids. It has all the qualities of nonduality, a concept which most us have difficulty understanding. Nonduality means that we can never categorized things as opposing to each other, however they are opposites. To see things as nondual is to see that every thing is One, though they may seem to be different.

We can now see Love as we can see water. We cannot cut through water. We cannot cut through Love either. We can never divide it, the way we often divide and separate things -and people - from each other. Water takes the shape of the container. Love, in the same manner, takes the shape of relationships and situations. If the relationship is between a parent and a child, Love takes its shape, and becomes Parental Love. In a friendship, Love becomes Platonic Love. Between a patriot and his country and countrymen, Love becomes Patriotic Love. Among people, Love is Brotherly Love. And between a man and a woman, Love becomes Romantic Love.

Romantic Love, in simple terms, is not a categorization, but rather a transformation of Love. Since we cannot divide the concept and experience of Love, the natural laws of Love allow it to transform, like water, based on the need of the context, or the kind of relationship. All experiences of Love are present: joy, harmony, peace, abundance, freedom, gratitude, growth, kindness, etc. Transformation, in a sense, tells us that Love is a transformative experience. It encompasses all experiences and becomes a distinct, labeled experience depending on how it is perceived and expressed.

We often say we "fall in Love" with someone whenever we are attracted and inspired. Our society defines this as the door to Romantic Love. Yes, this is true, yet there is more. How we take Romantic Love is quite different from the truth that underlies it. Romantic Love is beyond attractiveness, sweet nothings, thrills of courtship, or painful and bittersweet encounters. Becoming clear on how we understand Love and Romantic Love, we can redefine our experience and rediscover that Love itself is much richer than the way we believe it is.

(to be continued)

Revisiting the Rhythm

(first of the three-part series)

How can I Love? This has always been a disturbing question; to some extent, it seems to bear the same gravity of asking life's existential questions such as who am I or what is my purpose or who is God. Since Love is often misunderstood, we begin the tendency to search, to find the most reliable answers, though at the end we are almost hell-bent and fed up. Everything in this search becomes more futile, confusing and painful, because nothing that we have been searching for outside can satiate the meaning and experience of Love. In this great human consciousness, an answer does not appear somewhere I can perceive, but through this internal discernment when the radiance of Love at the deepest core of my being never fails to shine.

Love is always a moving force. How Love manifests in the Rhythm is such a dynamic of inner movement. In this article, let me expound what has been articulated as the Rhythm. This is primarily a very profound personal experience; nonetheless, I am deeply certain of the universality of its truth. And the way it must be discovered and expressed can possibly radicalize how we see Love as a stirring energy in the context of male-female relationship at its subtlest level, so we could see more beyond the abstracts of its dynamics.


Falling in Love
Perhaps the most famous "category" of Loving is the Romantic Love. If you do your own survey, you might arrive in a conclusion that most people understand that Love is always an intimate relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, a knight and a damsel. Books, films, songs and TV shows are abound with such thematic concepts of romance. When I asked a group of young teenage girls in the early Communes, most of them answered that Love is a boy-girl thing, embracing and kissing each other. Yet, however sweet and delightful the energy of romance can influence relationships, it still leaves a perennial fear of the possibility of pain. Why in the world that such an experience of seventh heaven eventually might become a fiery hell. Falling in Love is painful, or rather, people always expect that Love is pain. Despite the possibility, seeing Love as pain becomes more enticing.

Romance is an aspect of Love, a part, but can never be equal to the whole. Making both of them synonymous is the greatest myth on understanding Love per se. American psychotherapist Thomas Moore writes his definition of romance in his book Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationships. According to him, romance or romantic love is "an illusion, a projection, and an obsession." There is an illusion that I am alone, that I need someone to fill that longing. This attitude motivates us to find that someone at all cost. Our hormones provoke us with fleeting emotions as we meet a particular person, whom we believe as the source of true Love. We sustain that physical connection, leading us to a more tangible intimacy. To maintain that relationship, we must always give and take. We live in the ideal concept of reciprocity, wherein to build a satisfying relationship I must give what my partner demands from me and take from my partner those that I demand. It encompasses many aspects of every day life, and most commonly seen in marital relationships. It is like a business of Love, where Love becomes a commodity of exchange. I can only Love someone if the person is this or that, must do or have this or that. For instance, men demands stereotypical women who are both beautiful goddesses and passionate homemakers. Women, on the other hand, demands stereotypical men who are both adamant gods and inexhaustible providers. These are common human aspiration in terms of settling down for a new family, all rooted in the mode of human survival.

The prevalence of this consciousness is the main reason why most romantic relationship ends in disillusionment. The illusion of romantic perfection unbearably concludes, when we used to believe that everything we feel for someone can last a lifetime. We thought that relationships that have lasted for years may prove its eternal existence. However, treading the rough roads of life seems to disenchant this possibility. On the physical level, a person demands things from his/her partner that will satisfy him/her in a relationship, leaving the other person exhausted. In some ways, a person seems to feel guilty and helpless for s/he cannot fulfill his/her partners demands. Separation becomes an imminent choice, and both lovers are downfallen, and the Love they used to experience has become the source of their deepest pains.

Apparently, it has been proven that everything in this world is a dynamic of energy systems. This explains why on the non-physical level, romantic love behaves in a way that one person gets the energy of Love from his partner, leaving his/her partner drained. We are in this unseen power struggles, pursuing manipulative control over the other. We build this psychological matrix of dependence and codependence. In the context of romantic relationships, a person seeks control over the partner in all aspects of their lives. When control is not achieved, one resorts to emotional backlash. Fear, anger, jealousy and guilt are just some of dense experiences resulting from this struggle. These states are crystal-clear proof where true experience of Love cannot ever co-exist.

The force of Love calls for the Rhythm, when, after falling in Love, there is always a great opportunity to rise in Love.

(to be continued)