The Rhythm

In a store facing a glass window one late afternoon, I was sitting next to a friend, a young girl in her late teens. We were not talking face to face, but instead watching the cars passing by before our eyes, watching the movement of the city as if it was a movie. We had to meet to answer her questions, amid her emotional storms. The glimpse of her face was overcast, gloomy as the nearing evening. She looked at me, with eyes seeking sympathy from an older brother. Her voice was soft, but the words she said was hard. Only three words. They were hard enough to shatter the concrete of my reasoning.

Love is pain.

This is not just a simple sentence with sentimental overtones. In fact, her words were able to crystallize from the series of her romantic relationships coupled with emotional blows, all happened in her tender teenage years when she could have better enjoyed discovering and learning her life. Her words reminded me of my own romantic agonies, of the thrills and ills of romance, of many unrequited "love", and my mental resistance to any romantic concepts. Through her words, the words of Gary Zukav echoed boomingly in my mind: Love and romance are not the same. They had stirred my spirit to the point of creating a whirlpool of memories where my sanity was sinking down. And in a flash, I tried to rationalize those thoughts and explained her, at the time when I was still collecting insights from nowhere. These three words are simple, but powerfully sweep the spirit from discerning the truth of Love. They left me an indelible mark, and became one of the force majeure in my quest to understand Love.

There is a thin veil that separates between the Love and romance. Our culture has magnified this myth that both are the same. The society experiences Love as what the make-believes of mass media have shown and conditioned people. Because of the belief that Love is about getting physically appealing or romantically engaging or sexually attractive, we are bound to discover that these are all silly ideals that will not lead to eternal relationships. This very myth has caused many divorces, annullments, broken families, and suicides in the name of Love that we have never understood. This myth is what made my friend see Love as pain. Its about time to understand Love as opposed to romance. Or rather, to experience both forces and let the insight emerge.

Just recently, in a silent meditation retreat, I was again undergoing the process of facing the fiends of my past. The nostalgia of blowing summer wind brought me to the illusions I have long forgotten. The illusion of romantic "love" which I have called the Spark. In my experience, the Spark is a spectrum of emotions morphing from one to the other. Attraction, infatuation and passion are all elements of the Spark. Most of us call it "falling in love." I'd rather call it my way, since I had this inkling that the Spark cannot have the gravity of the meaning to prove that I love someone.

The Spark is a strong current that shocked me that moment. It had kept quivering my hearstrings, reminding me of the pleasures and pains of this magnified myth of romance. The Spark tried to fix an image of an object of affection, having her in a fairy-tale glory. It brought me the surge of all reminiscence, drenching me in this imaginary feeling of lightness. It was irresistible, and it brought the illusion that the feelings are forever.

However, as the Spark invigorates its energy, it has begun to rekindle my intentions of unconditional Love. While I feel the Spark firing up in me, the warmth of Love begins to flow. When the illusions of "happy-ever-after" ignite, they are immediately transformed into the subtle light of Loving-kindness, glowing and flowing a continuous thread of blessing energies to myself and the person of my affection. As the romantic feeling begin to swirl over and over, drowning me in this pleasantness, I slowly come to my senses where the vortex stops and the water of Love cascades with full force, washing out my wistfulness and longing for someone to fill my false emptiness. This ever-going process is an experiential insight that called itself the Rhythm.


The Rhythm is dance between romance and Love. As I observe this process within me, I have become more confident in the role of romance to transform my thoughts and feelings from illusions to Love. My years of repulsing romance have culminated to this point, to this very tangible cycle of the Rhythm. The romantic illusions are dancing and transcending, from wild emotional weeds into blooming flowers of Loving intentions. The Rhythm swiftly moves to heal past wounds and ease recurring pains. The Spark does not anymore shock me and leave me paralyzed. It kindles the essence of the Love within, brings back my beacon of awareness and cast light on my own insignificant darkness. Being mindful of the Rhythm, I begin to Love the person more deeply, not because she is affectionate or intimate. More than what the Spark wants me to see, I see her beyond as a person full of Love, a being that bears the core of the universe within. The Rhythm allows me to experience that me and her are both Love, without needing to fill each other because neither of us are lacking. Rather, we are both filled, and the source of Love is always abundant within each of us.

I did agnonize those days of addictive liking and painful parting and rejecting. Though their days had ended, the final traces of my pains toward them have now been extinguished. Love and pain cannot be any more synonymous in my consciousness. This is my fervent wish for all people, especially for the youth. The end of days for the snares of the myth has come.

Let the dance of the Rhythm begin.