Happy Heart

My father's name is Felicisimo. It means "happiness." But my father has never been happy in his life. He did a lot of things he regrets today. He's been away from us since I was 11, until we reunited 2 years ago. I have never held a grudge against him. He had been a father in absentia. My memories of him as a kid were enough to fill my longing. We had our days of piggyback rides. He told candlelit tales during blackouts. He showed me how he cooked our meals. He taught me how to wash my plate. Though he was away, I still looked forward to seeing him again. His absence, which I became so used to, has ironically helped me more to see him as a father.

He traveled to many places around the world. He worked as a cook in a container ship circling around the globe. I was proud of him being a nomad of sorts. I used to brag about him among my classmates. When I show them my drawings of countries' flags around the world, I told them my father's feet "landed" in most of those countries. Because he traveled a lot, he seldom stayed home. I longed for him, much as I became used to his absence.

One day, he stopped traveling. He got a badly swollen knee, a few days after a sack of rice fell over him. This condition developed into arthritis. He never went on board a ship again. Today, he hardly walks, even sleeps, without pain. I could see him like an old atlas, bringing upon his shoulder a hellish planet of grudge, hatred, and frustrations towards his relatives, his past and his life. He had brought this cumbersome baggage that caused his knees to weaken. Despite this, he still struggles to walk on the path of his life.

My mother's name is Corazon. It means "heart." She had a daring heart ever since. When younger and unmarried, she had adventures in Manila, which was then the land of milk and honey for the countryside folks. She studied and worked there, even my grandparents were against her decisions. She became so much dedicated to her career, so she could change her life. She had a serious relationship, which failed after a few years. Yet, she was a very strong-willed woman. She cried and fell, then rose again.

She met my father and they became a very happy couple. But their happy days ended, after a series of revelations that made both of them disillusioned.

She worked abroad for more than a decade, helping many Chinese households in Hong Kong. I was then seven, so we grew up without her. I remember those happy days when she arrived with many bags of toys, fruits and clothes. We were very happy to have her back. But after a month she would leave again. I would always cry, harboring exaggerated fears for her like a plane crash. Kids cry when their mother leaves. That's the sad thing. I just thought today that leaving us must have been very hard for her. But she didn't lose heart. And even when she came back empty, she just went on.

She often tells us that she just cries over her problems. After that, she would wipe her tears and smile again. She does not wallow on her miseries, though she often reacts in rapid fire towards petty conflicts and difficulties. Sometime, she would talk about her trivial irritations with people, neighbors or relatives. She keeps grudges for sometime until they rot inside her, then discard them the way she throws away spoiled items when cleaning the fridge. Maybe that explains why her blood pressure fluctuates. She reacts, then she calms down. That's how her heart is.

I love learning about names, and where they came from. I am amazed to learn that I am a creation of my parents' Love for each other, and their names have become my wonderful experience. I shared the story of my parents' name to a friend and she just told me "So, you are a happy heart." She's right. I am a happy heart.

I am thankful for my father. His name reminds me to be happy always. Even though he is not happy right now, his name reminds me more to wish him happiness. It reminds me not to carry my past sorrows on my shoulder the sorrows of my past. It reminds me to walk with freedom, buoyancy and joy. I was always incensed in my childhood years, but when I reached my early twenties I learned to smile. I smile often and become a smiling guy wherever I go. I was reputed as a cheerful student who seemed not suffering from any problems. But that was not true. I did have problems. But smiling is one way to cope with them. Smiling has helped me more to live with happiness.

I am thankful for my mother. Her name reminds me not to lose heart in times of trouble, to face challenges with acceptance and to continue living my life. I endured sadness and disappointments, but I kept a heart full of hope. My mother is my model for courage (interestingly, courage originally means "heart" in French.) Because of her, I have grown my own heart. I have learned to widen it. I have never experienced Love this way before. And my heart is fulfilled.

I am a happy heart. This is beyond the meaning of my parents' names, or even the supposed meaning of happy and heart. I am a happy heart simply because I have learned how to Love, and learned that I am Love. A happy heart is a being of Love. It is our long yearning - to have a happy heart full of Love.