The Art of Detachment

(first of the four-part series)

To be detached is to realize that there is always a higher purpose that can be found in any event, in any outcome. We can always find a silver lining, a positive meaning, that we can build on."

--James Redfield, The Secret of Shambhala: In Search of the Eleventh Insight.

Five years ago, in front of me were a pile of books and index cards, a month before I took my board exams. I was disenchanted by the fact that I could not be a topnotcher. Those subjects I had studied were all demanding, and my brain was bleeding with distress. Though I still aimed for the highest exam scores, I just thought I have to end up all of these and do what I really want. I only had 4 months to study. But I stopped for a month and spent it with frustrations and fantasies of my future life. Literally, I gave up. My mom insisted that I just needed only 2 months more and I am done. I resumed with a nonchalant mind, as I had accepted whatever possibility. During the exams, I brought no hand-outs and books, only my documents, 2 pencils, a pen and an eraser. I took the exam as if it was just an ordinary college exam. I shed the idea that this is a very important exam I need pass. I just sat down and answered the questions. A week passed, I received a message from my former teacher congratulating me. When I heard the news, I was blank, unsure of what to say. I was just unemotional. Though, I felt that something had changed. I became conscious of how being detached from that experience. I told myself not to worry, because the thing that I disliked would eventually end. I saw myself in a larger perspective; that all examinees, just like me, reached this point for a certain reason. I told myself that whether I pass or fail, there must be a very good reason that concerns my life's purpose. And there was. It has taught me the art of detachment.

We all feel disappointed when we fail on things we want to succeed. We all feel frustrated, when we cannot achieve something we want. We feel furious against our disgraceful selves. We feel guilty against things that remain undone and neglected. All of these are corrosive energies that eat our hearts and leave us seriously injured. What is worse is to think there is no cure. We quit. We give up this craziness of reaching for something unreachable, for clinging onto something temporary. This quitting and giving up are veiled by our fears and helplessness. Yet there is wisdom behind the veil. In the light of Love, this is the experience of detachment.

Practicing the art of detachment is a challenge for most of us who have lived lives with a lot of attachments. We are attached to a lot of beliefs, emotions and concepts; attached to our possessions and personalities, to our past grudges and regrets, to our future assumptions and expectations. We are glued to our problematic thoughts and emotions. We are hopeless that there is no way out. So instead of fighting, we flee away. But escaping is not detaching. There is a very big difference.

Detachment is a healthy, open-minded way of allowing things to happen in our lives, may it be external events or internal issues. We detach not by disliking a situation or escaping a difficult person, but to radically accept them as they are. We detach not by distracting ourselves with something we like to do just to escape unpleasant things, but to embrace both the negative and positive without bringing emotional baggage. Detachment is not an indifferent escape from reality. Rather, detachment is the courageous way of facing it.

Let me share this art that has helped me in many crises I went through. Detachment is also known in many other words, but I practice this art using 3 principles. They can be practiced separately or altogether. I will cast light on each of them, so you can see how they work and how miraculous they are. And it whatever ways you do, this art of detachment will lead you to insights of appreciating the life you have.

(to be continued)