Wordless Koan

One thing in my wish list is to experience zazen or sitting meditation in the Zen tradition. Although I have my share of meditation experience using other techniques, I am still wondering how a zazen takes place, especially if a koan would exhaust my mind. But even if I really do not meditate the way koan meditators do, my questions on why the world today exists are already koans that wrestle me, and make me exasperated of finding answers. Perhaps the most confounding koan I asked was the absence of God, whom all believed to be an all-powerful being yet remained cold towards the suffering of the world. Those were the old days when I had bouts of maddening angst and outburst of frustrations towards the grueling questions that almost ruined my sanity.

Koans are riddles used by Zen monks to meditate upon so they can arrive on a certain insight. These riddles break their ingrained logical assumptions by putting them in a mode of paradoxical thinking, where every reasoning seems to be absurd. Some of the famous koans are: "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" and "If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him!" Other koans are told as anecdotes, and these are interesting stories with lessons implied, even if they appear puzzling at the end. Like the famous two monks who one day helped a young woman cross a muddy river. Or the story of a goose that grew in a bottle and eventually escaped without breaking the bottle or being harmed. At first, these koans might be unanswerable, since they do not fit any sensible and realistic experience. To answer them seems nerve-racking for an ordinary person, but they can be answered through meditation. There's only a thing that leads to clarity: never take koans literally. Something is being said beyond the words and narratives. Like a nice-sounding familiar idiom, koans jump-start a one's mind to gain a perspective of what is literally seen towards what must be really seen.

Legend has it that when the Buddha delivered his Flower Sermon, he only showed a golden lotus flower to his disciples. Without any word, he remained composed and quiet, with the flower in his hands. His disciples were bewildered of what the Buddha did, except Mahakasyapa, who smiled quietly and got the Buddha's message. Both the lotus and the smile, without a single word, appears to be the first koan, a legendary puzzle that leads to enlightenment. Wordless, yet profound in meaning, like a face that launched a thousand ships, or a picture that paints a thousand words.

I barely have my own zazen experience, yet the truth of koan unfolds in me like a golden lotus. As I explore the world of symbols, I have intuited more through what Caroline Myss, author of the Anatomy of the Spirit, is referring to as the "symbolic sight". Through this gift of symbolic sight, I am able to see the meaning of symbols through every day life, seeing the archetypes that underlie and operate as a reality beyond the limitation of our physical senses. I was able to connect the dots, from what the ancient sages taught, to those that are practically learned wisdom, or those phenomena being discovered by modern science. The experience is like traveling through different dimensions of understanding that cannot be hampered by any single dogma that claims to monopolize the truth. And at the end of this roller coaster adventure is the beginning of an enigmatic silence, which can only grasp the symbolic message what words cannot.

Whenever I am caught flat-footed by a question "How do I Love?", silence appears not just an only option left, but a response that is most appropriate. The question is in itself a profound koan. How I live my life and reveal my inner presence remain both the only indefinable answers that are wrapped perfectly as wordless koans. Among overwhelming questions that are infinitely generated by this curious and baffled society, all the more we are called to answer them not through explanations, but through silence. When Christ told us to lock ourselves inside our rooms to pray - a teaching that is another koan - he asks us to pray inside our hearts. Just as what the Sufis told us that we can only find God when we go into the deepest chambers of our hearts. I have deeply learned that silence is the voice of God that speaks to us. The only job we need to do is to listen.

Yes, in this very time, we all need silence. After many worst events that made noise in our world, being silent does not mean being indifferent, coward or aloof. This is not a silence like just being quiet and never speak. The soul needs silence in order to listen to its own whisper. The great wordless koan calls for our attention, and it can only be read or heard the moment we stop seeking answers outside. This koan, the wordless koan of Love, will remain paradoxical until the time we allow ourselves to understand it. Love, that which cannot be defined by any word, is enough to transform the puzzles of our minds into clarity of our hearts.

The First Year

Before November 15, 2008, a series of experiences had taken place for me to come to my senses that there is a moving force behind my growing personal understanding of Love. I had seen events wherein intentions of Loving-kindness transformed people's lives, as simple as sending blessings to their enemies and getting answers to their prayers. I had talked to people, and seen them how they have renewed their sense of being since then. Love and Loving-kindness (or in Pali, we say metta) have become our buzzwords. These words have been charged with the energy of Loving consciousness, a set of mantras that define our lives. Those events have led me in deciding to bring and send the message of Love. It was my greatest decision that has brought me utmost joys. November 15th marked the remarkable beginning of sharing and expanding the consciousness of Love.

Last Sunday, a year has passed. I am very happy to see how changes have moved many of my friends and acquaintances through this endeavor that has brought us to insights and inner transformations. Looking back parallels to looking forward. Seeing the nostalgia of the past year, I am now envisioning promising years ahead. There is now a momentum, a force that moves this consciousness to spread into the social mainstream. It's about time to bring change, to share the wisdom of Love. I am more compelled this time with words from A Course in Miracles: "Teach only Love, for that is what you are."

It's about time to teach Love.

As a human being, I am still wrecked with fears. I remember those two weeks before I started the Communes. I questioned myself: "Am I capable of teaching Love?" I felt down, learning that becoming real and genuine teacher means I need more time to earn my worth through worldly credentials. Perhaps to deserve something as precious as teaching Love requires purity of being, which I thought I won't be able to have. But, contemplating on self-defeating thoughts brought me clarity: judging myself is not Loving myself. This insight showed me that my human frailties, my remorseful past, my seeming weakness are all but licenses for me to share Love. I have seen myself as an epitome of suffering, and like Christ, I am always capable of resurrecting to a new life. My outer weaknesses have become reminders of my inner strengths. Seeing myself in a different light led me to see the purity of Love within me. Through this, just a shift of thought from judging to nonjudging, I am capable of creating enough energy of Love that has the magnitude to move the world.

As I always share the wisdom of Love, I have acknowledged that it is the same as living Love out. Likewise, when I live and share Love, I am all the more teaching it. There is no need for any proof. I have been living my life filled with gratitude, joy and peace. I am rich of the unseen and seen treasures that overwhelm my heart. I am a soul expanding in many direction and embraces all people in this infinite breadth of Love. This tremendous Love that fulfills me is always enough. And I am thankful that the Communes are small vessels I use from where the Love I share overflows.

Living a Loving example does not take grand actions and vast possessions. Communes' first year has been a witness through small acts of kindness and simple intentions of blessings that bloom into wonderful and awesome experiences. Many people, who became friends, have spoken about the Communes. They have learned a great deal of wisdom, which I am equally learning. Through Communes, we are all setting our hearts to the treasures of heaven, a word that can be simply called Love.

There are more exciting years to come. I have met with two of my Commune friends, to whom I have shared this vision. I am yet to meet the rest, and begin the mission of spreading the message of Love. This first year is not just a celebration, but a beginning of a new path for the journey of many pathfinders. This is a journey of bringing the light of Love to humanity and to the world.

Let's continue to Commune.